It Gets Better, Like Actually

If you're already a mama, I'm sure you've heard this a thousand times over. If you're pregnant or planning, get ready to hear it at nauseam. But honestly, no words could ring more true. When I look back on the first year of my sons life, I feel like I was stuck in survival mode. We are very much still in that mode much of the time, but being a first time mom, not knowing what the fuck I was doing at all, regardless of all of the Instagram accounts I followed on sleep and wake windows based upon age and how often to feed your babe and the other bullshit they try to feed your (it's all a total lie, by the way. Your baby will do what it wants when it wants, and there is no one who will know better than you what and when your baby wants to eat or sleep and everything in between).

The first year absolutely flies, but the days can absolutely drag (especially when you're home all day every day just you and your babe). It is some of the highest highs and lowest lows. I never knew I could feel so absolutely lonely whilst being totally attached to another human being. I remember the first few months counting down the amount of pumping sessions I had left until my husband would be home, just so I had someone to talk to, and someone to hold Jack so that I could pump my breastmilk and not have the anxiety of Jack waking up or Jack getting fussy. Exclusively pumping for the first few months was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done and breastfeeding is one of the hardest and most selfless things I continue to do for my son. But as I am trying to say, it gets easier. Not just pumping and breastfeeding and the loneliness of those first few months, but all of it. I reflect back on the last year of my life and how far my son has come, and how far I have come as a mother and it truly is remarkable, this whole mom-ing thing. If you're not in your groove yet, do not fret, it will come with time, it will be alright.

If you are a mama in the thick of it right now just trying to survive those long days, I am here to tell you that you will truly miss where you are right now in a few weeks or months or years. The song "You're gonna miss this" by Trace Adkins (if you do not know it-it's a real tear jerker for a new mama) comes in and out of my head a lot since birthing Jack. And I try to remind myself all of the time to soak in every waking moment I can with my son, because one day I know that I will want these little moments back. So soak in all the contact naps you can, snuggle that babe, stare at the monitor all night if that's your thing. Because one day, you're gonna miss this all.